Monday, 17 January 2011

Dispatches from the world of David Sztybel

My name is David Sztybel. (This assertion can incidentally be logically demonstrated by my parents, who named me. Note to self: must write a blog essay on this important animal liberation topic; working title: "Am I David Sztybel?", a companion piece perhaps to my seminal essay "Am I Obsessed with Gary Francione?"). In any event, as anyone who has read my ARZone chat transcript can logically verify, I am a philosopher, one, indeed, who is simply trying to do his job of relevantly distinguishing truth from falsehood.

Being a philosophy scholar, I have my own theory, called "Sztybelism" – so-called for the following reason which I discovered at (which incidentally is where all great philosophers do their research): given that you form the name of a philosopher's theory by adding the suffix -ism to his or her sir name, and given that I am David Sztybel (see future blog writing and/or my parents, as mentioned above), it follows logically that my theory should be called "Sztybelism."

Below are nine numbered points which logically and conjunctively demonstrate that Sztybelism is intellectually superior to Francionism:

(1) The author of Zombie Jesus supports Sztybelism. Could a more compelling proof of my theory be imagined?

(2) US artist Ante Bozanich also supports Sztybelism. Any more evidence required?

(3) The best is not the worst and the worst is not the best. This is the most important proposition of Sztybelism.

(4) We should do what helps animals.

(5) We should not do what does not help animals.

(6) We have to support the worst in the short term in order to promote the best in the long term. This is the second most important proposition of Sztybelism.

(7) We should be fully caring by supporting my theory of Best Caring Ethics. And being fully caring means, of course, doing the best rather than the worst (see [3]).

(8) David Sztybel is not obsessed with Gary Francione. In fact, David Sztybel doesn't even know who Gary Francione is. Therefore, I am not obsessed with Gary Francione, for if I was so obsessed, I would know who Gary Francione is; but, as I said, Gary Francione is not known by David Sztybel, who I in fact am. Is that clear enough?

(9) Being a dignified philosophy scholar, I would never insult the losers, do-nothingists, and futilitarians in the Francionist camp, those who want to sacrifice animals on the alter of personally purity instead of supporting Sztybelism.

Now imagine – just imagine – what would happen if Sztybelism became the dominant force in the animal movement? Imagine – just imagine – what would happen if every animal advocate became a Sztybelist?

I mean, who, I ask you, but the most hidebound Francione fanatic could possibly believe that Sztybelian Abolitionism, enunciated in the propositions above, is one whit less estimable or valid than abolitionism as espoused by Francione in his books Animals, Property, and the Law, Rain Without Thunder, and Introduction to Animal Rights? In fact, anyone who claims that Francionism is better than Sztybelism is either begging the question, engaging in a straw man fallacy, or insulting me.