Saturday, 3 April 2010

From a strict ideological standpoint, Mr Miyagi is less dangerous than the karate kid...

In his essay "From a strict ideological standpoint, Steve Best is less dangerous than me...," Jason Miller defends Steve Best against the claim that he recruits for the ALF. "Steve Best has never encouraged me to engage in militant direct action," Jason says, even though "I am one of his most passionate pupils," and therefore, "I am living, breathing contradiction" to the aforementioned claim.

This defence might be christened the Proof by Unparalleled Devotion: from his stern and unparalleled devotion to Steve, Jason derives the conclusion, which he states with immovable conviction, that Steve is innocent of the charges levelled against him. As an argument, it astounds Clowns' Corner with the character of its extravagant novelty. Indeed, we think it is safe to surmize that only Jason could come up with such an argument.

Moreover, the "mentor-student relationship" between the two of them could be inspired by the movie The Karate Kid, with Jason featuring as the karate kid and Steve as Mr Miyagii ("my mentor," "a kindred soul"). Slightly paraphrasing Jason's essay, it reads like this:

"Read this very carefully":

My name is the karate kid, aka Jason Miller, and I know a lot of long words (with the help of Steve's well-thumbed thesaurus) which I am not afraid to string together in windy screeds in defence of my mentor, the person who I am willing to follow even to El Paso, Mr Miyagi, aka Steve Best. I know some ninjas are fed up with the karate wars, but this is no trifling spat between rival dojos.

Listen to me: the evil Grand Master Francione has attacked my praxis, which is strictly forbidden, and thereby offended the honor of my mentor, who initiated me into the theory of multidimensional underwear. Indeed, the fatal fallacy in the dogmatically sane abolitionist position is that it does not understand the necessity to my praxis of knickers. Listen to me, listen to me: only a pseudo-pacifist charlatan veganist sockpuppet would a priori restrict himself to the iron cage of either underpants or knickers.

In stark contrast, and pay close attention here: I subscribe to a contextualist and pluralist approach with regard to underwear in that I am dialectically prepared to wear both underpants and knickers as a matter of tactical necessity – and anyone who says this is potty is myopic, essentialist, narcotized by a priori theorizing and mechanically rooted not in Mr Miyagi's multidimensions, but in the one dimension that goes by the name of reality. And reality, as we all know, is not where the theory of multidimensional underwear belongs.